Why You're Not Happy

Happy New Year everyone! I know, I know, I've neglected this blog for quite some time. Been busy lately with another career - I am managing 4 careers concurrently ;) If being a student is a career in itself, that makes it 5. Oh well, I put this to myself and I think it's one cause for not being happY.

I came across this article about common barriers to personal happYness and fulfillment and how to overcome them. In brief, there are 6 major barriers:

1. Complexity (Solution: Simplify)
2. A Breakneck Pace (Solution: Take a Pause)
3. Negativity (Solution: Let go)
4. Despair (Solution: Stay hopeful)
5. Suppressing sadness (Solution: Feel the real)
6. Navel-gazing (Solution: Connect with others)

I basically try to fight these barriers but of course, I am only just human. One friend told me he was simplifying everything in his life, and he is hopeful this would make him happY. I wish him luck, and I hope I could do the same. A line from the same article struck me, that "happiness is a little like falling in love, that you can't make it happen." True, I've fallen in love without realizing it. I am happY at times without putting effort into it. But as they say, some good things never last. It's such an irony to have found one of the sources of your happYness, only to lose it in a bittersweet ending. The question now is, how does one sustain happYness? or better yet, how does one become happYer? That's the whole point of my quest. And this new year brings hope for me...

For the full article, click this link.

Proud or confused???

It's been a while since I put a grin on my face and smile to myself...proud of what I have accomplished. Learning the ropes of this photography biz entails a lot of time and effort. But thanks to my good friend and biz partner, everything was made simple. Though I cannot say I have untangled the complications of Photoshop CS3 and Adobe Lightroom, it is a far cry from what little I know months ago. The upcoming wedding bookings will only hone my skills, and I am looking forward to learning more and being better at this craft.

I am also now faced with the decision to take up PhD in Management. A lot of people tell me that I am insatiable for learning, and that I never tire of school. Am I spreading myself too thin? Will this contribute to my overall happYness? These questions I have yet to answer, 'til the 13th of June atleast (this being the last day of enrollment hehe).

Oh well, I believe the things going on in my life all have a place and meaning in it. And that I should just enjoy the ride...and as years pass by, I will be wiser, and hopefully...happYer ;)

After all, what is happiness?

I have yet to finish "The Witch of Portobello", which is the story of a woman named Athena, and the central question posed by Paulo Coehlo (one of my favorite authors) is this: "How do we find the courage to always be true to ourselves - even if we are unsure of who we are?"

At this point, I'd like to share an excerpt, which pertains to happYness. These lines came from Edda (Athena's teacher):

"Everything is at once so simple and so complicated! It's simple because all it takes is a change of attitude; I'm not going to look for happiness anymore. From now on, I'm independent; I see life through my eyes and not through other people's. I'm going in search of the adventure of being alive."

"And it's complicated: Why am I not looking for happiness when everyone has taught me that happiness is the only goal worth pursuing? Why am I going to risk taking a path that no one else is taking? After all, what is happiness?"

"Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony."

"All right then, peace. Peace? If we look at the Mother, she's never at peace. The winter does battle with the summer, the sun and the moon never meet, the tiger chases the man, who's afraid of the dog, who chases the cat, who chases the mouse, frightens the man."

"Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop working. But then they're more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that's true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money won't necessarily bring happiness."

"I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness; now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex - it begins and ends. I want pleasure, I want to be contented, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap."

"When I'm with a group of people and I want to provoke them by asking that most important of questions - Are you happy? - and they all reply: Yes I am. Then I ask, But don't you want more? Don't you want to keep growing? And they all reply: Of course. Then I say, So you're not happy. And then they change the subject."

True, ain't it?

My New Baby

Once again, a month has passed since my last post...and I got some great news! I have a new baby (note: i am very much single at the moment). My new baby is a business venture with my brother and a couple of friends who are into photography. So we set up our team, and our studio just last week. Thus the crazy activities I've been in lately has kept my schedule swamped. Also, I just bought a new gadget...my first mac, and I'm happY with my latest acquisition :-) So many new things to learn, so many functions to explore...yet it makes me happY. That's the whole point of this, ain't it? But of course, following my commandments, I shouldn't get too attached, right?

Keeping things light and simple ;)

Lately, my days are filled with cheerful moments and unabashed happYness. For whatever reason, I smile to myself and really feel good. I don't know to whom or where should I attribute this feeling...I guess it is brought about by my attitude of keeping things light and simple. My life has been full of drama for as long as I can remember, and now is the perfect time to leave all those behind and start anew. I am not making a complete makeover of myself or my life, as I said at the start of this blog, I am only aspiring to be happYer. And I am slowly discovering that dwelling in the past sometimes make me feel sad, especially when I remember those times when I felt so down and alone. I mean, reminiscing them wouldn't change anything. I couldn't go back in time and undo what has already been done. So the best way is to derive my learnings from those experiences and enjoy the 'here and now.'

Leap Year!

This day will not come again 'til after 4 years...so we're celebrating it with a bang! Part of my happYness project is to get involved again in my youth leadership organization - Junior Chamber International. And tonight, we are the host for the said leap year party! The past week has been hectic, with preparations and all. Not to mention a situation in our biz where we have been awake 'til the wee hours of the morning for several days to deliver a major project. All in all, it's crazy happY!

One more thing, I feel so connected with someone. Just last week, there was this incident where I was experiencing really intense emotions for this one person, and I guess I was transmitting that to the universe. It ended up that a series of unfortunate accidents has been happening with him all along. Now that is not something I should be happy about! But what makes me happY is the intensity, and the connection that we still have. The bond that I thought was lost was still there. He even said that I was sharing his frustrations that fateful day. I guess I was...and it turned to be a whole new experience for both of us. I know there will come a time that we will talk about 'us' or whatever is left of it. But right now, I just want to acknowledge the emotions. I still do love him, and it gives me this warm feeling inside ;)

My 10 Commandments to HappYness

Today I was thinking of my own 10 commandments to happYness. Some of these I am recycling from principles I subconsciously live by:

1. HappYness is a daily decision. If you have a choice to be happY or be sad, choose to be happY. Don't say "I have no choice"...because you have...almost always ;)

2. Take your happY self with you wherever you go. Forget your mobile phone, handkerchief or lip balm, but don't ever leave your home without your happY self. Bring it anywhere you go, because I am sure it will be contagious.

3. Think happY thoughts! When you are about to feel miserable, or on the brink of tears, go to that special place which contains happY thoughts. Think of those moments where you felt truly happY. Keep coming back to that place whenever you feel down. Before you know it, a smile just might escape your lips...long before that first tear will fall.

4. Hope for the best, but expect nothing. Easy to say, but so hard to do. It is human nature that when they give, they expect something in return (like in love). But this should not be the case, because setting too high expectations from people leads to disappointments and frustrations, and therefore...to misery. And you do not want that. Again, you have a choice to be happY.

5. Value all your relationships. As much as possible, maintain healthy relationships with all the people around you. Do not nurture past hurts and pains. Do not also burn bridges along the way. Learn to forgive and forget, as they say. Work towards building lifetime bonding and friendships and try not to gain any enemies.

6. Believe in your heart that people are inherently good. Some people may have hurt you, but do not think that all people are going to...still give your trust to those who deserve it. Only when you see people in this positive light will you be able to gain new friends and deepen your relationships.

7. Say what you mean, mean what you say. People are not mind readers, so say what you really mean to say. Do not go in circles and cover up for any emotions you are currently feeling towards them. And when you do say it, mean it (like when you say "Sorry" or "I love you"). Look the person in the eye and know in your heart that you mean every word. You do not say things for the sake of pleasing the other person. Also, stand by your word. Have a follow through with your actions.

8. In everything that you do, be free! Make your choices in life fairly simple. Always try to be fair. And if you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right, go for whatever makes you happY...unless you want everybody to be happY for you except for you being happY for yourself.

9. If anyone or anything is not worth fighting for, let go! If someone or something is taking all of your strength, if it's causing you too much pain and if it's making you ignore everyone and everything else, make sure it's all worth it, otherwise, let go. Do not be afraid to lose that person or thing. Remember not to get too attached, because they can only give you temporary happYness.

10. Acknowledge negative feelings, then move on. Like earthly possessions, do not get too attached with negative feelings. Yes, you have the right to feel them, then acknowledge that you have indeed felt them. After that, move on. Tomorrow will be a new day and there is no point keeping them with you while you sleep ;)

What this happYness project is all about...

Someone close to my heart has introduced me to this whole concept of happYness - not that I was unhappy when I met him...I guess a little uptight and not really being free. Through the months that we've grown close to each other, I slowly grasped the concept and I am now ready to start my own happYness project - without him. You must understand that for quite some time, I was blinded with the thought that he is the only person who could make me truly happY, or that he is the only source of my happYness. And it hit me just recently...after so many struggles and emotional turmoils...that happYness is a daily decision...and that there is really no one to help me be happY but "me".

I am a newbie to this happYness thing, but there is one blogger, Gretchen Rubin (now writing the book "The Happiness Project" due in 2009), who is more adept on this topic. Her blog, Happiness Project, is an inspiration to me in this endeavor. In the coming days, I shall post my own happYness commandments, and other stuff to kick-off this project. Writing this blog in itself puts a smile to my face. What a way to start the new year ;)