Proud or confused???

It's been a while since I put a grin on my face and smile to myself...proud of what I have accomplished. Learning the ropes of this photography biz entails a lot of time and effort. But thanks to my good friend and biz partner, everything was made simple. Though I cannot say I have untangled the complications of Photoshop CS3 and Adobe Lightroom, it is a far cry from what little I know months ago. The upcoming wedding bookings will only hone my skills, and I am looking forward to learning more and being better at this craft.

I am also now faced with the decision to take up PhD in Management. A lot of people tell me that I am insatiable for learning, and that I never tire of school. Am I spreading myself too thin? Will this contribute to my overall happYness? These questions I have yet to answer, 'til the 13th of June atleast (this being the last day of enrollment hehe).

Oh well, I believe the things going on in my life all have a place and meaning in it. And that I should just enjoy the ride...and as years pass by, I will be wiser, and hopefully...happYer ;)

A Novel of Temptation

Once again, I put down another Paulo Coehlo book, entitled "The Devil and Miss Prym", and ponders the same question: "Are human beings, in essence, good or evil?" I'd like to believe that we are inherently good, heck, I even included it in my 10 Commandments to HappYness. Personally, amidst the pain and hurt that other people may inflict on me, whether intentional or not, I couldn't bring myself to hate them. If I dwell on the evils in this world, I would only end up feeling depressed and helpless. I wouldn't also be a hypocrite and say that I am a really good person, because I've done things that I am not proud of, and I may have caused misery to other people too.

The novel is indeed about temptation, whether to murder someone from the village in exchange for ten gold bars and for Miss Prym (the lead character) to take one bar of gold and leave everything behind. Our daily temptations are not as lucrative as these, yet we still struggle, whether to do good or evil. Again, it all boils down to choice.

Moreover, the book tackles about following your dreams, and getting what you want out of life. I'd like to share a few lines which hit me:

"...there are two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: a fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar."

"...whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is that you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed."

Sometimes I am confused of what it is that I really want, but when you take a closer look, you'll know what or who your heart desires. The only hard part is the "how" and answering the question, "Is it worth it?"

After all, what is happiness?

I have yet to finish "The Witch of Portobello", which is the story of a woman named Athena, and the central question posed by Paulo Coehlo (one of my favorite authors) is this: "How do we find the courage to always be true to ourselves - even if we are unsure of who we are?"

At this point, I'd like to share an excerpt, which pertains to happYness. These lines came from Edda (Athena's teacher):

"Everything is at once so simple and so complicated! It's simple because all it takes is a change of attitude; I'm not going to look for happiness anymore. From now on, I'm independent; I see life through my eyes and not through other people's. I'm going in search of the adventure of being alive."

"And it's complicated: Why am I not looking for happiness when everyone has taught me that happiness is the only goal worth pursuing? Why am I going to risk taking a path that no one else is taking? After all, what is happiness?"

"Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony."

"All right then, peace. Peace? If we look at the Mother, she's never at peace. The winter does battle with the summer, the sun and the moon never meet, the tiger chases the man, who's afraid of the dog, who chases the cat, who chases the mouse, frightens the man."

"Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop working. But then they're more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that's true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money won't necessarily bring happiness."

"I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness; now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex - it begins and ends. I want pleasure, I want to be contented, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap."

"When I'm with a group of people and I want to provoke them by asking that most important of questions - Are you happy? - and they all reply: Yes I am. Then I ask, But don't you want more? Don't you want to keep growing? And they all reply: Of course. Then I say, So you're not happy. And then they change the subject."

True, ain't it?

My New Baby

Once again, a month has passed since my last post...and I got some great news! I have a new baby (note: i am very much single at the moment). My new baby is a business venture with my brother and a couple of friends who are into photography. So we set up our team, and our studio just last week. Thus the crazy activities I've been in lately has kept my schedule swamped. Also, I just bought a new gadget...my first mac, and I'm happY with my latest acquisition :-) So many new things to learn, so many functions to explore...yet it makes me happY. That's the whole point of this, ain't it? But of course, following my commandments, I shouldn't get too attached, right?

Keeping things light and simple ;)

Lately, my days are filled with cheerful moments and unabashed happYness. For whatever reason, I smile to myself and really feel good. I don't know to whom or where should I attribute this feeling...I guess it is brought about by my attitude of keeping things light and simple. My life has been full of drama for as long as I can remember, and now is the perfect time to leave all those behind and start anew. I am not making a complete makeover of myself or my life, as I said at the start of this blog, I am only aspiring to be happYer. And I am slowly discovering that dwelling in the past sometimes make me feel sad, especially when I remember those times when I felt so down and alone. I mean, reminiscing them wouldn't change anything. I couldn't go back in time and undo what has already been done. So the best way is to derive my learnings from those experiences and enjoy the 'here and now.'